Yah - Rock on! Rachel Brussel Kramer gives the anti-sex feminists a kick in the ass by proving that “having a full range of sexual options should be a high-priority feminist goal” in this week’s Village Voice - Fucking and Feminism

Some excerpts below:

"Ladies, be warned: Your pussies are causing the downfall of society. If we keep posing for nude photos, sucking cock (and enjoying it), and getting Brazilian bikini waxes, our hard-won feminist gains will disappear, according to the latest generation of scolds and alarmists, writers like Ariel Levy (Female Chauvinist Pigs), reality show rabbi Shmuley Boteach (Hating Women: America's Hostile Campaign Against the Fairer Sex), and Pamela Paul (Pornified). To them, fucking freely is bungling our climb toward equality. These well-intentioned prudes proffer a false choice: Be the next Jenna Jameson or support Hillary for president.

There's a world of difference between being branded a sex object and choosing to be one under certain circumstances. Recall Tad Friend's classic 1994 "do-me feminism" Esquire article, in which Lisa Palac said, "Degrade me when I ask you to" (emphasis mine).

Men are also unfairly judged—as brutish horndogs selfishly out to get as much sex as they can. The truth is, they're confused and constrained by the "macho" role too.

Sexual freedom is not the only, or the most pressing, issue facing American women today, but it's vital to any true feminist movement. Excoriating other women and berating them for a host of erotic sins creates unnecessary divisions and puts people on the defensive. No one has the right to tell you how to fuck."

Lovin’ it. Finally we are turning a corner against this bullshit argument and moving towards progress once again.

“Are you on the Pill?” — a familiar question most women invariably ask each other during 'dishing’ sessions or get asked by their sexual partners when the mood is right to get it on. The answer is usually a resounding "yes" though most women will tell you they have serious issues with the Pill, as well as other hormonal methods, as they can supremely mess with our bodies, sex drives, libidos, moods, and overall desire to get it on. While there are 60 million U.S. women of reproductive age and 7 in 10, or 42 million of these women, are currently sexually active and do not want to become pregnant, there is little development and research of new, reliable methods of contraception that do not reek havoc on our sexuality. Furthermore, there is a complete lack of options for men besides the condom, which let’s be honest, we all profess to use, but we privately all hate. With so few satisfactory options, what is a modern-day, sexually active girl to do?

A bit of background

The female condom, Depo Provera, Norplant, the Pill, the IUD, tubal ligation or sterilization — injectables, implants and latex — are all designed for women to prevent pregnancy. Fascinatingly enough, tubal ligation is the most popular method of contraception in the U.S. with the Pill and the male condom coming in close 2nd and 3rd, respectively. Fertility Awareness Methods (FAMs) such as the "calendar" or rhythm method and cervical fluid method, combined with withdrawal and periodic abstinence weigh in with a combined total of approximately 5% of women of reproductive age using these methods as contraception. With the right tools and accurate information in hand, fertility awareness methods actually work, if practiced reliably, and provide a valid alternative option to other methods of contraception.

While there is nothing "natural" about it, there is much to be said about fertility awareness as a valid method of contraception that most women have never had the chance to contemplate due to lack of information. Fertility awareness not only allows women to become aware of our fertile potential to prevent pregnancy, but it is also a great technique to get in touch with our sexuality. The "calendar" method and the cervical fluid method both allow women to understand her body’s menstrual cycle, take control of her body’s functioning as well as present the opportunity to explore, touch, feel out her body. Fertility awareness is a "hands-on" approach to contraception that cannot be taken lightly, but when embraced offers a non-invasive, non-hormonal, alternative choice.

Sex-Ed - The Right Way

But wait, you say, “I don't really know when I ovulate, let alone what happens when I do. I only know when I get my period, duh.” Remember those fun sex-ed classes we all were required to attend - the girls in one class, the boys in the other? While we are not exactly sure what happened in the boys’ room, for us girls the entire world of female sexuality was contained in menstrual kits. Two-dimensional pictures of the uterus looked more like a cow's head with fallopian tubes for ears and horns than a part of our bodies. Boring at best, scary at worst. Pretty pink pads in Ziploc bags, and off we go to recess. We were all ready to believe that the main event of every cycle was menstruation, but in actuality it is truly only the beginning.

Day one of any cycle is the first day of menstruation, but the most important day of your cycle is ovulation.

*Parts of this article were excerpted from A Piece of Cake: Recipes for Female Sexual Pleasure

Who knew feminists could get all up in arms about BLOWJOBS!

So it seems that the feminists are all up in arms today about blowjobs - their basic premise is that no woman in her right mind (or at least feminist mind) could dare like to give a man a blowjob - how gross! Of course, I beg to differ...and yes I call myself a feminist

It is simple really - giving pleasure to a man, when you like to have sex with men, is a turn on. But the real secret is that the giver holds all of the power.

On top of that could you imagine how ridiculous this argument would be if it were inverted - as in men are being forced to go down on all of us girls, how gross! Oh yeah boys, we know you don't like eating pussy - it's just something you have to do to please us demanding women.

We hear far too many stories from women and men alike about how much they love going down.

Breast feed or else? The Times seems to think that women realistically have that choice.

An article in the New York Times this week asserts that “"Just like it's risky to smoke during pregnancy, it's risky not to breast-feed after." Um - wtf? So the implication is that if women don’t breast feed, we are criminally negligent? As Lori Leibovich notes in Salon, the boobie wars are in full effect:

“Yes, it would be great if more women breast-fed their babies. And I guess it's nice that the government is reminding women of the benefits of breast milk. But in their heavy-handed, bullying approach, these ads are like the lactation equivalent of the this-is-your-brain-on-drugs ads of the 1980s. The difference is that nobody has to smoke dope, but many women do have to work. The campaign willfully ignores the reality of most women's lives. The fact is, real barriers, both physical and financial, stand between many mothers and breast-feeding -- a fact the Times quickly glided over. Not one breast-feeding proponent interviewed, for example, was asked to explain how the more than 60 percent of mothers of young children who work are supposed to exclusively breast-feed for the recommended six months. Nor did they comment on the fact that even if a woman is fortunate enough to afford to take the 12 unpaid weeks of leave mandated by the Family and Medical Leave Act, she still will fall short. No experts were asked about the role of race and class in breast-feeding, even though the Times article noted that black women are less likely to breast-feed and that the rate of breast-feeding increases with education, income and age -- presumably because those are the women who have the resources and support to do it.

It's really infuriating. The same government that's warning women that they're risking their children's lives if they don't breast-feed makes it almost impossible to do so by not providing them with mandatory paid maternity leave. The Times interviewed one mother who characterized breast-feeding as a "lifestyle" and admitted that her life "revolves around my kids, basically." But few women have the option to make that kind of lifestyle choice, no matter how much they might want to.”

Amen to that - its about time our society value women’s work, lives, and reproductive choices.

For the past generation getting the word out on female sexual pleasure meant unveiling the clitoris as a primary female pleasure spot and thus the surest way to orgasm. In emphasizing its inherent usefulness, there arose some heated debate about the difference between orgasms that came from external stimulation vs. internal stimulation - with some going so far as to refer to the internal orgasm as a myth.

Finding out about female ejaculation can be tough as well. Some researchers deny that female ejaculation exists, others are unconvinced and see it as being akin to urinary incontinence; others still believe it exists but are uncertain of its cause. For those women who have experienced ejaculation, and for a lucky few who have learned to do it regularly, being told it doesn’t exist is hardly inspiring!

But don't fret - Recent research shows that the G-spot, elusive to some and well known to others, is not entirely unrelated to the clitoris and that stimulation of one can mean stimulation of the other. Some experts have gone so far as to say that it is time, again to focus on internal stimulation and discover how the g-spot - and ejaculation as a result of g-spot stimulation - is the primary pleasure goal.

There is no reason to mythologize the truth, but then again, why spend your time looking for the proverbial unicorn when you can find the white horse. With these recent developments in female pleasure women have got some options. And if you don't know the facts, you can't get the job done.

Let's Review

Recently a group of old school feminist writers gathered on the upper west side for a reading by the renowned writer and researcher, Shere Hite, to celebrate the release of her new book “The Shere Hite Reader: New and Selected Writings on Sex, Globalization and Private Life.” All seemed to be going as planned, Barbara Seaman and Dr. Leonore Tiefer both gave Shere well-deserved accolades for her immense body of work, including most significantly her insistence on the importance of the female orgasm in their rousing introductions.

Now let’s be perfectly honest - while every one ages differently, Shere is not looking like her old self, literally. For some strange unexplainable reason, a mother of second wave feminism has gone down the ugly rabbit hole into the dark world of plastic surgery gone bad - complete with big, fake collagened lips, disturbingly taught cheeks and catlike eyes - all telltale signs of a woman in her 50’s who thinks its normal to fake looking 25. But I digress….

While Shere is deservedly one of the pioneers of female sexuality research and indeed a cultural icon, her work and ideology is sadly stuck in 1980 - suddenly exclaiming that intercourse is all wrong, fucking is worthless and that the g-spot (and by proxy female ejaculation) does not exist. Um - huh? Paging the ghost of Andrea Dworkin, anyone...?

You hear it again and again - "image is everything". The promise of a "new sexy you" is the basis of the entire beauty and fashion industry. We are continually encouraged to "find our perfect palette," complete the "8-week body makeover," and change our haircut and color to "transform our life." From Extreme Makeover to Nip/Tuck, women are plucked, buffed, preened and altered in what is allegedly a desperate attempt to rescue us from our "misery".  But what do we have to be miserable about?

The most essential, and most often missed element to the makeover equation is your sexuality.  The elaborate, time consuming, and often-painful makeover experience is hardly conducive to one's sexual pleasure. In the end, what's most important is how you feel about your body, not the other way around.

More after the flip...