How to Keep Her Hot - a new weekly column for men by Melinda Gallagher, Founder of CAKE and Co-Author of The Hot Woman's Handbook.

TIP #5: Get tuned in

It is assumed that men are stimulated by visual images and women are stimulated more by context - that we would rather read a story about sex than actually see it. Guess what? We like to do both! A new study from the Washington University School of Medicine suggests the brain is quickly turned on and "tuned in" when women view erotic images. Yes when presented with erotic material we get turned on just as quick and just as strongly as the boys. Who knew? We did. Come on “science” tell us something we don’t know.

Past research has suggested that men are more visual creatures than women and get more aroused by erotic images than women. However, one of the researchers in the study says the fact that the women's brains in this study exhibited such a quick response to erotic pictures suggests that, perhaps for evolutionary reasons, our brains are programmed to preferentially respond to erotic material. "Usually men subjectively rate erotic material much higher than women," one of the author of the study says. "So based on those data we would expect lower responses in women, but that was not the case. Women have responses as strong as those seen in men." Alright, let's hear it for the ladies!

Think of porn as an education. This content can be a learning tool, a reflection of how sex actually happens and an inspiration for arousal. Everyone could stand to learn a few new positions. Sit her down in front of your television with a pile of pornos, and you’ll be surprised with the unexpected things that get her hot. When you sample what’s out there - amateur couples at home, chic lesbians in bathroom stalls, big breasted blonds in the boardroom, the mistress and her slave in the dungeon - it’s hard not to find a little something that looks good to her…and you. It’s all about context.

If you want to get her watching porn, focus on X Rated material with imagery that turns her on e.g. she might not be into exactly the same "Teens in Tight Jeans #12" video that you may like, but a good ol’ favorite with female pleasure in mind, like Andrew Blake's "House of Dreams" or "The Opening of Misty Beethoven," works everytime.

Stay tuned next week for more tips!

XO.

How to Keep Her Hot - a new weekly column for men by Melinda Gallagher, Founder of CAKE and Co-Author of The Hot Woman's Handbook.

TIP #4: Look at it from a new angle

When the same old sex positions seem tried and tired, bust out the Kama Sutra - the ancient Indian text from the third century - to sample some of the 64 illustrative, pleasure busting positions. There must be something you haven’t tried. The Kama Sutra wins hands down for espousing the exhaustive techniques for a woman's pleasurable experience during sex. Among its other attributes, the Kama Sutra, which means "pleasure treatise" is a literal step by step guide packed with detailed instructions for being in the moment with a partner. Along with practical education, i.e. she cups and lifts her buttocks with her palms while you wrap your ankle around your back, the Kama Sutra demonstrates how Indian culture integrated sexuality into everyday life, right along side religion, spirituality and all else that is beautiful in the ordinary world. It is unique in the way it discusses sexual pleasure without any hint of shyness or shame, a philosophy we could learn a lot from today.

Stay tuned next week for more tips!

XO.

How to Keep Her Hot - a new weekly column for men by Melinda Gallagher, Founder of CAKE and Co-Author of The Hot Woman's Handbook.

TIP #3: Understand her cycle

You know the anecdote – men think about sex every six seconds. While this is an obvious exaggeration, we never hear about the quantity or quality of women’s daily sexual thoughts. Since sexual dysfunction in healthy pre-menopausal women is almost nil, why would women have issues getting aroused? While prince charming will always make our panties wet, and a loving relationship is a big turn on – female arousal is not always dependent on romance.

If those cravings for sex during some of the month and the lack of interest during others gets you down, don’t fret. Recent studies on female fertility indicate that women do in fact have arousal cycles that hormonally affect their libido. As estrogen spike right before ovulation, many women feel particularly hornbally in her mid-cycle, while others report much wetness and arousal right before they get their periods. This is also due to a slight spike of estrogen at that time. Even though this explains some of the ups and downs of women’s mysterious libidos, don’t let hormones dictate your sex life. Become attuned to your girl’s body’s arousal signals, and figure out what makes you hot, and what dulls your senses. Our libidos are there and ready for the picking!

Stay tuned next week for more tips!

XO.

How to Keep Her Hot - a new weekly column for men by Melinda Gallagher, Founder of CAKE and Co-Author of The Hot Woman's Handbook.

TIP #2 - Back to Basics

Men are always asking, "What do women want?" This question always ridiculously simplistic and trite. Think about it, would you ever think to ask "What do men want?"...However, when asked what they want sexually, women are not shy to say - "Sucks, not licks", "A man who worships the ground that I walk on!" and "good clitoral stimulation". The first step to heating things back up is to pay attention to how her body works by keeping up to date with the latest scientific information on the female sexual anatomy. For instance, did you know that the clitoris is shaped like a wishbone. Who knew? All women have a pleasure system and that the clitoris is a much larger structure than the "little man in the canoe."

"There's nothing quite like the shape of a clitoris," said the Australian urologist, Dr Helen O'Connell, who is part of The Australian Doctor's Fund - a medical policy think tank researching the clitoris. "The glans are dense with nerve endings and receptors - all the vibration and sensation is there. The bulk of it is shaped like a pyramid, she says. Its base forms the external genitalia or vulva; its triangular "walls" are wrapped around the urine-carrying tube known as the urethra and the vagina. When aroused, the whole structure becomes engorged."

One of the best positions for you to stimulate her g-spot is the classic - wheelbarrow position on her back with her legs over her head. When the G-spot is stimulated, it swells so she won't be able to miss the increased pleasurable sensation. Since quality counts more than quantity here, when it comes time to get her off, pay attention to the entire pleasure system, not just one piece of the pie.

Stay tuned next week for more tips!

XO.

How to Keep Her Hot - a new weekly column for men by Melinda Gallagher, Founder of CAKE and Co-Author of The Hot Woman's Handbook.

Let's start with the basics. Women, like poker players, often have tells. Understanding the tip-offs to how to keep her hot for years may be written by the laws of science rather than what you may think of as the rules of love. Straight from the womanly experts - here are some fabulous tips to "unzipping" your female partner. While there is no one "how-to" set of tips to keeping all women hot forever, with the right encouragement and direction, any guy can make her purr.

TIP #1 - FACT: Routine is boring

You don’t need to change your partner, but you definitely need to do a little switch-a-roo on the general game plan. At the end of the day, keeping up a healthy sexual appetite is not unlike one's approach to food. Who wants to eat Chinese food every night? Well, at least you can order the Peking duck instead of the spare ribs, or maybe go out to eat as opposed to just taking out. Why do couples get bored with their love lives? Simply put, they don't take a long-term view. They either get stuck in the same routine, or they fall prey to the "once you're married, its over" or "once you are monogamous, that’s the end." How then, do you combat the notion that "variety is the spice of life?" Are variety and monogamy mutually exclusive? No way! We are here to help you with keep it hot.

Are men and women different? Of course we are, but that does not have to be an impediment when it comes to keeping her hot. In fact, our differences may be the very things that keep us coming back for more. According to Helen Fisher, the noted biological anthropologist - " When we embrace these differences we realize that the sexes complement each other to create a balanced culture." Scientific research and newfound quantitative evidence supports the notion that women are indeed just as sexually inclined as men, when given the chance. The key then is to tap into this nucleus of untapped sexual energy, and do so collaboratively. Using it to get both of you off, longer, and better. The key words are "be pro-active" (kind of like "be the ball", if you don’t get it already).

Stay tuned next week for more tips!

XO.

My situation is difficult. I'm going through menopause and love my husband, but I'm not so interested in having sex. I don't know if it's him or me going through the changes. I would love to be sexual again and don't know what to do. Please help.

Thanks,
Lori

Dear Lori,
We all know the drill -- hot flashes, night sweats, loss of hormones, the so-called “change” -- not so sexy, right? Not necessarily so. Nowadays, it is commonly thought that your sexuality does not end as you age, get married, have children etc. And why would it -- you don’t stop eating after 50, so why should you stop have orgasms? The desire to have sex at any age has more to do with your psychological and emotional well-being rather than your hormone levels. The latest research shows that as you age, your sexuality does not have to go away; it actually can get better over time. According to recent studies on women and menopause, the key factors influencing sexual desire are overall attitude towards sexuality, health and the quality of intimate relationships. In fact, it is reported that the single most influential factor with regard to sexual satisfaction via intercourse is the quality of the partnership, in particular, the quality of mutual respect, which then becomes of greater importance as a woman ages. Every woman experiences menopause differently, depending on how we approach this time in our lives.

Here are six steps on how to maintain your sexual pleasure throughout menopause: